In this modern Era, domestic violence and abuse can happen to anyone, whether it is men or women, both have fell victim of domestic violence and suffered major consequences throughout their lives, the problem of domestic violence that most of the times it is overlooked or it is excused. It is because the majority of people look domestic violence as if it is the personal matter of the person who is getting abused and who is abusing, and some people do not even know that is they should help or what can they do to help. Abuse is more dangerous when it is psychological more than a physical one.
When we say the word domestic violence, it also reflects the term domestic abuse, which is why these both words are used for one meaning only and it is that “When a person in an intimate relationship, whether it is marriage or not he/she tries to hurt and tries to control the other person according to his/her will”. This vicious act is sometimes done by hurting that specific person or others around him/her, the abuser also threatens and beats the other person to gain control and simply fear them.
Domestic violence can take place between any type of people, women are the majority victim or domestic violence, men are victimized as well, especially emotionally by verbal abuse. My aim to write this article is that whether it’s a man or woman, domestic violence is never accepted and people witnessing such violence should know how to stop it because no one deserves to be treated with disrespect, devalued and unsafe.
Noticing and realizing the signs of an abusive relationship is the first and major step to prepare yourself to act against it. If you or your friends recognize someone you know who is being abused by any means then it is your moral duty to reach out to that person as soon as possible and help that person.
How to identify an abusive relationship?
As mentioned before, the first step to is to identify the signs of an abusive relationship, there can be multiple factors combining together to provide an accurate answer, therefore which is why those factors should be counted, if you ever find a victim of domestic violence, reach out to them, make them feel comfortable, then ask them about themselves, then try to ask about their inner feelings, they might feel hesitant at the beginning but it is your duty to show empathy and let them know you are here to help.
One major thing you should notice is that during this session you should look for physical violence signs, for example like the victim may have injuries which they would try to hide from you or wearing their clothes in such a way so they can hide their scars like long sleeves shirts, they would also miss their school or work on many occasions too. They may also have low level of self-esteem to while talking and personality changes during the conversation, and might talk about doing suicide as well
Carry on by asking them questions about their partner like “Do you avoid discussing the topics which might make your partner angry?”, then you can proceed by asking “Do you feel comfortable around your partner much of the time?”, keep analyzing the way of the response of the victim too during this procedure, when these questions are answered, carry on by asking “Do you feel that you cannot do anything to make your partner be fine again?”. After all these questions are answered, if that person is a victim, then more answers will that person respond is by saying “Yes”, and now you are sure that this person is a victim of abuse.
Keep in mind that you should never give advice to the victim at this point, offer them help instead.
Furthermore, now ask that victim about their partner, on how they express abuse, is it by threatening? Or bad temper makes him do crazy stuff? Hurts you? Threatens to take children away from you? Broke things? Forces you to have sex with them? They might also threaten to commit suicide too on some occasions. His controlling behavior might also contain factors like jealousy, controlling your behavior, limiting your necessities, checking on you, avoid you to see your friends.
Other ways to help
People who are victimized by domestic violence tend themselves to be very helpless, they are scared if they do something against it, the abuser might end up hurting children, or family or any of the friends, there are many reasons why a victim cannot take a stand for themselves.
If in any circumstances, you are unable to perform the mentioned activity to recognize the abusive relationship, for example, that abuser is so crazy that he does not even let the victim go out or contact anyone even for a minute then it is already a sign that it is an act of domestic violence.
In these occasions, the best things you could do to help is that:
• Contact your friend, or relative and inform them about the violence so you can reach any sort of organization who acts against domestic violence.
• Inform the neighbors and people around the other block about the violence and act together against it to protect the victim.
• Inform the police about them, keep an evidence to prove domestic violence.
If you are a victim
If you are a victim
If you are a victim and reading this, then it is important that you follow these steps:
• Plan your safety by contacting the local domestic violence community or organization in your city
• Contact your family or friend and inform them about the abuse, it’s the quickest and easiest way you can reach out for help.
• You can also call the police, but don’t be scared, the first thing you should know that there are strict laws against abuse, which would eventually end up making the abuser fall into the clutches of justice.
• If you do not feel safe at home at all anymore, then you should leave that place immediately and contact the domestic violence organization in your city, if you don’t have family or friends around that area or city, no need to worry, domestic violence organization are always there to help to provide you safety and shelter and is very much confidential, whether you are alone or have kids, they are always there to help.
These are the major steps which you should consider taking to get yourself free from domestic violence, it is your right to move on from such type of stress and disastrous situation and find a better and comfortable life.
We must provide awareness
At the beginning, I mentioned that domestic violence is often ignored and excused, because people around us have no knowledge that how bad can it be for the victim for their long-term stability, our community is so self-restricted with pointless facts e.g. if they both are married, let them handle their problems by themselves we should not interfere. Now, this set of mentality is wrong, it may be their marriage, but it is your responsibility to help the helpless and protect them from violence.
We can also play a vital role by contributing to the factors like:
• Be brave enough to say “Stop” to the abuser and defend the victim from their violence.
• Be a positive role model for the upcoming generation and teach them to stand up for themselves and other’s rights.
• Conduct seminars, speak against domestic violence, raise your voice to aware the people around you.
• Confront the people who remark domestic violence as a joke, these sorts of people are one of the reasons why domestic violence is not taken seriously, for example, If man is abused, people will make fun of his manhood and emotionally tear him down and put him out of his misery, which is not a good thing at any cost.
• Reach out to the victims by the mentioned steps above or however you feel comfortable with.
You should keep in mind that abusers are quite good in controlling and blackmailing their victims which might be difficult for you to identify violence at the beginning.
Look out for the signs which were mentioned above, once you manage to do that you will easily point out other factors of abuse too, so by noticing the warning signs we must offer support to the victims and help them escape from this situation, it is our moral duty to help those who need it, this is who we are and we should be, we are humans, we must protect each other and eliminate evil by all means required.
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